In this blog post, I am going into further detail of white lies that parents tell their children when they are growing up to prevent harm and danger.
Parents are known for telling little lies to improve nutrition and preventing danger for their children. These lies can be very small, even the act of eating your vegetables and looking both ways before crossing the street, but these messages can have negative influences.
Parents often tell these white lies to prevent harm or or regulate behaviour, but it can have more of a lasting impact. Not only does it impact a child’s trust on a parent as a kid, but studies have been shows that these lies impact mostly girls and their mental health in adolescence (1).
But, looking specifically at prevent physical harm and controlling their child’s behaviour, we can see the many positive and negative effects.
Looking at the advantages, we can see that white lies are harmless bending of the truth and while not wrong, it can spare somebody’s feelings and especially in childhood, save your children from impending dangers of life (2). A big part of white lies is that they are told to protect others, and protecting your children from running away and playing wildly, by making up white lies about the dangers of kids that act out. These lies are considered an essential part of childhood and generally considered acceptable (2). In these certain situations, controlling a child’s behaviour for their proper safety is an important part of parenting.
But then comes the disadvantages. Parents lie for convenience (3). They think about the short-term benefits to shave themselves a bit of time and effort in the moment without realizing the future consequences. A parent’s patience can be tested and it is understandable that they lie for convenience, but these lies can be harmful in a child’s long-term future of trust and mental health.
But think about all the dangers that you are trying to teach your children about. What if your made-up stories about the dangers of strangers has now developed a real fear. These beliefs that we create in early childhood, are the times where we are in the process of judging ourselves, others and the world. When children are taught to judge the world in a negative way, these beliefs can stay with them just until they are adults causing fears and mental health issues (4)
Some kids develop fears when they just simply overhear their parents talking about scary topics (5), so imagine how much of an influence a parent’s words of simply trying to protect their children from harm, can turn into a fear that these children carry with them in the future. If these safety concerns are not properly addressed by the role of a parent and instead they make up a white lie to make sure that their children understand, it can be negatively perceived in a child’s eyes. If they are told to avoid strangers at all costs, they may become very anti-social people and they never let other people into their bubble that they can trust. Or say that a parent has warned their children too much about vehicles when the cross the road, these kids growing up could have a heightened fear of cars and dangers of the road.
Some parents even go further to make up stories to warn children about the consequences of children that don’t behave. Putting any added pressures on children as they grow up can cause a lack of responsibility and trust when they get older.
There are alternate solutions, where instead of scaring your child, you can warn them about the dangers, but let them discover the world for themselves. Let the make mistakes, while still being safe and show empathy for your child’s experience, instead of provoking their fears (6).
In conclusion, little white lies to prevent children from danger is important. But, making sure that you are not just lying out of convenience, and actually lying to promote safety. It is equally as important to make sure that these habits do not turn into fears or phobias which can be detrimental to a child’s mental health as they grow up. Making sure that children face their fears and believe that the world is a safe place is an important part of childhood.
Sources:
- https://www.sciencedirect.com/science/article/abs/pii/S0190740920320582
- https://www.verywellmind.com/is-it-ever-okay-to-lie-5118228
- https://www.childrensmercy.org/parent-ish/2022/11/lying/
- https://www.parent.com/blogs/conversations/2023-why-being-judgmental-comes-naturally-and-how-to-curb-it
- https://www.luriechildrens.org/en/blog/childhood-fears-and-phobias/
- https://www.foothillsacademy.org/community/articles/preparing-vs-protecting-children